We’re All Jealous Of Imaginary People

We have our whole life to realize our big dreams.

We're all jealous

I’m 25, and about to be 26. I’m extremely ready for every single element to be happening. For my life to be perfect. Which means, having a great job, a loving partner, a fully swollen saving account, a stamped passport, a perfect toned body, living in a dream appartement, and to start working on my doctoral degree whilst I don’t have to worry about anything else regarding my loved one, and for nothing to cause me any ache. Which is completely reasonable, right?

Who am kidding.
Thanks to our millennial environment and mostly to social media, we are the 20 something living in a world where we’re having incredible expectations, who have to be advertised before we hit the deluding age of 30. I’m constantly bombarded – and even when I’m not looking for it – with images of my friends who seemed to be on their way to the perfect life road. Smiling couples celebrating engagements, or their childbirth. Or posing with the keys to their new apartment. Is this magically happening to everyone else, but not for me?

Then, I stumbled upon an article through Darling Magazine, which point to the right syndrome. I was jealous. Jealous of not even one person, of no one. It hit me. Those elements were all part of the plan we were influenced with, but I realized, none of my friends were checking the criteria all together. We’re definitely looking for something to achieve that doesn’t exist in a whole. I’ve realized I was being jealous of various elements of their lives, and was creating the perfect life of an imaginary human being. Striving for something, envying someone we knew didn’t even exist.

Moreover, I realized, whilst looking back at what I’ve accomplished, looking at my professional situation, but even more, at my friends always around me, I realized that some would be jealous of the incredible opportunities I was handed down, and I was ready to be thankful for that.

Perfect life Puzzle

Coming to this a-ha moment, the realization of this inner jealousy, we all understand the idea every one of our friend may have find some pieces to the puzzle, but the « Perfect life » puzzle, might not be put all together yet. No one has all the pieces.

In the years following college, I’ve came across wedding news, childbirth news, and those being a blessing for everyone of them, I realized, we can’t have it all. So, right, it’s natural to feel this jealousy; due to peer pressure and social media who’s running (and ruining) our life, but it doesn’t mean we have to fulfill all the criterion at the same time, right now.  « Jealousy is the fear of comparison. » Max Frisch captures it well. Pretty enviable, and I bet you’re noticing right now, no one of your friends have it all.

Simple Joys

Social media and our work load schedule have an impact of the ideal life we’re picturing. We’re so busy to work hard to climb the ladder, we don’t give much though to the « slow down » philosophy. Too often, we’re going through the motion of life, and not giving so much attention to the little things we’re passing by. If jealousy starts to overtake over you, there’s a solution. Overlooking over simple joys and find a practice that can bring you back into the « moment ». We have our whole life to realize our big dreams.

Dwelling in the simple joys would only bring something more important to your inner self, such as taking some me time, enjoying a moment with your friends, or a nice walk. Although I’m a quite of a defender of striving for the future, and be prepared to take anything on, it’s also important to take into consideration, we’re a composite person, who’s going to go through so many stages in life.

Comparing yourself to an imaginary people created on the ideal persona focusing on achieving her social Instagram feed at the perfection that couldn’t possibly exist will only tear your down.

You’ll never find peace if you’re constantly comparing yourself to people you used to know, and who seems to have strive through every step in life. As well, you might even consider, they’re just being jealous of who you are and of what you achieved as far. See all the blessings you’ve been blessed with first.

Comparison is a thief

Everyone has their own path in the world – so what might be good for someone, might not be good for you. It depends of your personality, of what you’re looking for to accomplish. All the circumstances we’ve been surrounded with have an impact on our path. Stop comparing, since we have, each of us, our own purpose and most important, stop thinking you’re not good enough. If you want to live a happier life, and stop being jealous of someone imaginary, take a moment to realize how far you’ve come right now.

Your ideal situation may not be happening yet, but life isn’t a race. We might not be able to connect the dots right now, but focusing on what we need and taking a step after another is everything we need. Yes, we’re still kids, but these days, we’re expected to achieve it all and be as good as everyone else.

Did you ever find jealous of imaginary people who seems to achieve it all?  What would be your solution? 

  • Carola

    Great post! I talked with a friend about this yesterday. The feeling that we’re supposed to have it all. Expectations. That our generation also wants to have it all. It’s a matter of choices I agree. We all have to follow our heart and not forget to enjoy the ride!

  • had to use translate and def agree with this – You’ll never find peace if you’re constantly comparing yourself to people you used to know, and who seems to have strive through every step in life.

    • O that’s so cool! It’s exactly what I meant. You cannot find peace if you’re constantly comparing yourself to another one, who might be doing a better job, but you might have a way much fuller personal life! It’s all about balance, and comparing yourself to someone whom you used to know isn’t quite clever or interesting for you to grow up! x

  • Brooke Pollard

    Anyone can relate. This is such a versatile topic because everyone’s opinion is different (and yet the same)! Thanks for giving some perspective!

    • Yes, and that’s why I wanted to share this. It’s such versatile, and everyone might have felt this way somehow being in our era of connecting people! Thanks for sharing your opinion! x

  • Richard Anthony Baldoza

    I guessall we really have to do is focus on our own stories, our own achievements so that we”be able to know how far we’ve gone. Comparison will only hurt and nithing can really hurt more than our own thoughts.

    • Yes Richard! We all have to grow up and learning through our own stories, mistakes and achievements. Comparison actually hurts and doesn’t bring anything good to anyone! x

  • No point getting jealous… though I too often have fallen a victim of that emotion.
    Hard work and dedication to goal would be the best approach.

    • Yes, Indrani! I’m so agreeing with you. There’s no point in getting jealous with someone you don’t have any connections with. As well, we’re all falling for this from time to time since we’re all so connected, and not living the moment IRL! x

  • Tina Derkse

    I recognize the feeling you have now so badly and I’m happy to here that you’re realize by now that it’s just not real! I’m over that age now and I’m getting almost 30, and to be honest I can’t wait! I feel so comfortable and secure with who I am. All those feelings that came up to me when I became 26 are completely gone nowadays! Enjoy those years , those 20-something will be gone in a second! Much love , Tina

  • I can totally relate to your feelings. The problem with social media is that it’s just a snap-shot of the very best of many different people’s lives. But when you see it all together in a stream it can actually be quite depressing, can’t it? I know it can for me. It makes me feel that I am not doing or achieving enough and that life is passing me by. I mostly avoid it, to be honest. The ‘old-fashioned’ ways of keeping in touch with my friends feel a lot healthier to me.

  • Paige Strand

    I totally agree, I recently wrote an article about how Instagram shapes our feelings on ourselves and our own lives. An example I included was a former Instagram influencer that started shaping her body, health and even activities in order to please her fans. She later quit the platform, citing that she wasn’t doing things for her happiness anymore. Interesting topic!

  • jacqueline

    I agree. Honestly social media does a really good job of highlighting only the great moments. No one’s life is perfect. It’s okay to feel a little jealous sometimes but recognizing that you are not them and vice versa is a good way to self reflect and accept the reality. Everyone has a different path. As I’m now in my late 20s I realize that being envious does nothing. Things happen to people differently. More money won’t make you happier, a partner won’t make you happier, that dream job won’t make you happier. These are all things that will make you happy momentarily but true self love is something we must build. Love that you discussed this!

  • You are very right about comparison. Not worth the time and effort comparing your self with others. Everybody is blessed with their own body and skills and talents. Enhancing those qualities should be the priority.

  • Berlin Domingo

    Feeling jealous, I believe, is but normal. Letting that jealousy eat us is bad and should not be allowed. It will only bring pain and anger. A way not be deceived by jealousy is the be appreciate of the things we have and having that courage to accept what we cant change and have.

  • Hit me in the guts, this post. Yeah, I sometimes feel like my life should be a certain “quality” by a certain age, and I end up disappointing myself because the standards I’ve placed on myself are based off of people who seem to have their life together. I’m turning 25 this April, and I can tell you, I am so scared about the future, haha.